You may have heard the expression, “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, and while that may be true, I like to say “whatever doesn’t KILL OUR CARNAL NATURE hasn’t done it’s job.” You see, our enemies and hard times are not there to destroy us, they are actually there to reveal who we truly are. And that is done while the illusion of our ego, and the ignorant faith we put in temporal things, is chipped away.

Those who hurt us are actually there to better us. They are like God’s chisel chipping away the unnecessary stone…

My suffering over the years has made me a truly compassionate and forgiving child of God. I thank God for that. I thank God that although I don’t feel like the “Mighty Man of Valor” He recently reminded me that I am. I thank God, that He knows me to be thus, and, if God says it people, IT IS FINISHED and TRUE!  

This nonsense that we are suppose to be sooooo very strong because we have God, has got to stop! That is the very disease eating away at us all. The instant we understand it is okay to say we are STRONG IN OUR WEAKNESS… then we will be strong. For in our WEAKNESS God’s strength is perfected.

LET THE WEAK MAN SAY HE IS STRONG! And the weak man can say this because he has been tried and tested.

Isaiah 48:10

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.

But I do know, we learn by the things we suffer. So, this teaching, that God doesn’t want us to suffer, is very damaging. Because if you are told, God doesn’t want you to suffer and then you are suffering than it MUST mean God doesn’t love you…

2 Thessalonians 1:5

Which is a manifest token of the righteous judgment of God, that ye may be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which ye also suffer:

Our suffering is ONLY in relation to how far we stray from God’s truth. Everything I am enduring or have endured is to AWAKEN in me what I have forgotten and bring me into this UNION of the spirit again.

It should not bother us, when we are forsaken by man. But it does. It should not bother us when we are persecuted for no other reason than we love, but it does. It should not bother us that there are so many meatheads in this world, but there are!… So I just need to remind all of you, myself included… That HE that began this GOD work, will complete it in Victory. We will not be left in this suffering. The sooner we learn what it is we are meant to learn, the sooner we will be set free.

Psalm 16:10

For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

This brings me to the point of this essay… After all the rumbling, lightning, after surviving the terrible storms, after the HELL after the HELL FIRE (suffering I endured)… God spoke to me in A STILL SMALL VOICE… don’t take my word for it.

1 Kings 19:12

And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

You can’t always find God in Hell, even though, David said, he is there in our Present Suffering when we make our BED THERE!

But it is after our SINS (foolish thoughts) are CONSUMED by the FIRE (It is after we are CONSUMED BY OUR SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THESE TERRIBLE THOUGHTS OF SUFFERING) — It is after all of this, that God finally speaks…

It’s hard to hear God, or to focus on positive and encouraging thoughts when your circumstances are hard or people are coming against you. Many don’t even understand why it is some people just simply seem to hate them.

Matthew 10:22

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

I have read those words in Matthew before. But the people that were hating on me I never preached to. I’m not a bible thumper “church”. I keep my views to myself.

Years ago I went around “Killing Egyptians” no longer. Which is allegorical for going around and telling people YOUR A SINNER REPENT!

In fact there is a good portion of people who ONLY think of me to be a kind hearted man. They have no clue I am who I am.

My neighbors Bob 91 and Ruth 83, both big time Catholics, well I have been cutting their grass for years, shoveling their drive way for years, trimming their bushes etc, and yes its for free… And for years, they have been trying to get me to go to their Church, because they have no clue that I know what I know. You see, they are settled in their beliefs and I do not feel led to try and change them, that is God’s job, they are a sweet couple, and I think it is wonderful that they worry about my soul. So I humor them, and take their flyers here and there. But my point is, people don’t hate me because I go around saying Christ this and Christ that, it is because of what is IN ME!


This blog is the only thing I share, and when I do share what I share verbally, it is with those I am compelled to, or those who find me, or I find…

So, recently I have learned that my whole life, people have hated me not because they knew my beliefs, BUT because of who I AM inside.

From childbirth Jesus was a marked child. As was I. As are many of you reading this now. Remember the murder of the innocents!

There are people that just can’t stand you and you probably go out of your way to be kind to them and they hate you the more for it!

My only advice is to forgive them, steer clear, they know not what they do… If you can, part company. If you can’t, be kind, don’t think the worst. Judge not, lest you shall be judged.

I know that in many cases, with me, I must love them and think higher of these people who have hurt me, and my family, so. Every time I have prayed for my enemy, every time I have decided not to speak terribly about my enemy, every time I have seen my enemy coming to me with the extended hand of a friend, I have seen God change their heart. This is truth!

But I also have learned, that as I have grown stronger in my faith, so has the strength of my enemy.

Isn’t that something. The stronger I become, the stronger my trial becomes… He who endured until the END!

It is just like working out, “Church”, the resistance doesn’t get lighter. God only heaps on more weight for what is to come… So put some more spiritual whey protein in your blender and blend some up!

So there I was, sad, last Sunday night. Thinking, I am going to press delete on this blog.

The world isn’t ready for the things I still have yet to share. And believe me, I have some THINGS STILL TO SHARE! wink wink nudge nudge!

And then, in the quiet of that late, late, Sunday Night at 9pm… GIDEON APPEARED!

Not literally people! That would only happen if I had a mega Church, or had a book to sell… wait a minute I do have a book to sell… I mean, GIDEON DID APPEAR TO ME!

Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket, Gideon appeared… In a RAYYYYY OF LIGHT!!!!! He said, Jacob, My Man, what’s the deal bro?… Okay… just kidding “Church”

In any event, the Midianites were attacking the Israelites and all hope seemed lost. Everyone was running for their lives. Poor little Gideon, was scared out of his mind. Hiding!

Judges 6:11

And there came an angel of the LORD, and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, that pertained unto Joash the Abiezrite: and his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites.


Of course everyone knows what Threshing wheat means.

NEITHER DID I!… No worries, that is what Ask.com is for… To thresh wheat is to violently shake or disturb the WHEAT to GET THE SEED OUT!

Does that sound familiar?

Okay, let me try that again.


One more time.

To THRESH WHEAT = Your suffering brings out the SEED = CHRIST IN YOU!

Ahhhhh, so there is a point to these mean people OR jerk pants, as I like to call them, after all!

Hey Jesus said, if the plant isn’t producing fruit, violently mess up the earth around it, throw a bunch of crap on it and see what happens.

Luke 13:8

And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it:

But that isn’t the revelation I received at that moment. It was the fact that Gideon was soooooo scared of his enemies, that he was going to HIDE THE SEED!

That blew me away. It was that I was sooooo scared of MY enemies, that I was about to do the same. 

I was hurting so much, I wanted to just get away from it all.

I was scared that so many were attacking me, my home, my family, my livelihood, because of my faith, and I was about to HIDE THE SEED (TRUTH). The very SEED that had COME out of all that I had ENDURED over the years. All the revelation I had been given, I was going to HIDE IT. Keep it to myself.

What was the point? I was sick of everyone!

Then within minutes of thinking this, I was brought to GIDEON! Isn’t that amazing?

Think about where GIDEON was THRESHING THIS WHEAT. Think about where the SEED was being VIOLENTLY SHAKEN (abused) SO THE SEED would come out. It was THE WINEPRESS.

Have you ever wondered why WINE is such a wonderful symbol of the SPIRIT OF GOD?

You should do a study of how wine is made.

Look at all the steps involved. It is a wonderful parallel of the steps we go through spiritually.

The WINEPRESS is symbolic OF THE PRESSURES of LIFE that SQUEEZE the SPIRIT OUT OF US – This is where the SEED is THRESHED from the WHEAT.

Romans 8:18

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

The grape can never understand why it needs to be picked, smashed, squeezed, scrapped, left to stew, scrapped again, strained, flipped, drained, bottled, and left to sit… but when it is finally uncorked and drank, the joy that SPIRIT gives to others is far beyond what that grape could have done before any of its suffering.

So we too, cannot grasp that our present suffering will pave the way for something awesome down the road. But it does and will. And we need not be scared of where we are or what we face!

Judges 6:12

And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valor.

Gideon looked up at that Messenger and was like, “What? Are you kidding me? How can you say God is with me? Have you MET MY MOTHER IN LAW?”

It is hard for us to think that God is behind our suffering. And that God is going to use what we learn from this or that, to deliver us from our present suffering.

It is our SUFFERING that produces that perfect pearl of peace in our heart in the end. So we must TRY AND HOLD ON AND COUNT IT ALL JOY!

Matthew 13:45 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: 46 Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

Remember how the pearl is formed? The constant suffering of the Oyster forms the PEARL. Then, when the OYSTER DIES the PEARL is revealed for all to see. The same is true for us. We will suffer, and suffer, and suffer, and suffer, until we finally overcome this world and die. Then our PEARL (the Kingdom of HEAVEN) will shine for all mankind to see.

Just a quick note to tell you what the KINGDOM OF HEAVEN is. The word KINGDOM literally translates into REIGN, not as a Literal Kingdom or Castle. So it should read as “The REIGN of HEAVEN” instead of “The Kingdom of Heaven” … And HEAVEN is above the EARTH as God’s ways are above MAN…. HEAVEN is symbolic of the HIGHER TRUTH OF GOD. So the Kingdom of God = When the Higher Truth of God Rules You.  

When the HEAVENS (Understands God’s ways/truth) OPENED for Jesus he heard (understood) “Behold my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased”

These are words we all NEED TO REMIND OURSELVES OF… God is well pleased with us.

We, though, presently suffering are in no way less loved by God. Even as I sit here writing this, I feel like a wretch, I feel lonely and lost. I feel like a big knucklehead whose feelings get hurt at the drop of a dime, I feel like no one is on my side, and that is a sad place to be… But as I feel this way, I also understand that this is the road God has chosen for me to walk at this time.

Perhaps I am a bad student at times, perhaps I am not a quick on the pick up at times, or perhaps, as my “therapist” says all of the abuse I have suffered makes it hard for me to get over the way people treat me at times because I want so desperately to have love from those God is trying to show me I don’t need anything from at all!

It is not the love of Man we need. It is the LOVE OF GOD! This is perhaps the hardest of all lessons to learn. Which is why, this lesson hurts the most. Think about it. We crave love from others, but it is not the love of others that will heal us, it is the LOVE THAT IS WITHIN! So those that hate us, and hurt us, are our greatest teachers, the pain they cause, drives us closer to the truth that we can only count on one thing in life, that the only LOVE THERE IS FOR US TO FIND IS WITHIN!

This is the path that God has chosen for us. I thank God for this path. I will walk in it. I will stand tall with me head raised. I won’t be ashamed of what I know to be true, or what I say or what I do. I will take my lumps like a man, I will cry when it is time to cry, and laugh when I have reason to laugh. This road is for my correction, for instruction, for patience, for insight, because God loves and corrects his children in ways we don’t understand and don’t always appreciate.

Job 5:17

Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:

At the onset Job seemed to have it all together and his suffering seemed so cruel, until the truth of his heart was revealed. In the end, Job was blessed beyond belief and his suffering did not compare to his blessings.

We too, will find this to be the case. Weeping may last for the evening but pancakes and coffee is there in the morning, and one day, you’ll have joy as well!

We may not feel like a MIGHTY PERSON OF VALOR who is God’s chosen to SAVE THE DAY! We may not feel like we will overcome our troubles and our enemies (most of which, if not all of which are within) but we will!

There is a reason we feel weak and small. There is a reason we are tired and scared. There is a reason we look like fools and are mocked and scorned. It is because WE ARE BLESSED PEOPLE! SO REJOICE!

1 Corinthians 1:27

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.

I want to end this essay with a great Chapter from the book of, 2 Corinthians 4

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;  But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.  But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:  

LISTEN TO THIS LAST LINE PEOPLE! We don’t need to be sharing with everyone! Not everyone can hear the words that be coming out our mouths!

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.  For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal!

Don’t look to what troubles you, look to what God is trying to tell you. Learn from your suffering, hang on, and soon you’ll be free, you Mighty Person of Valor YOU!


“The Truth Will Change You”

I want to dedicate this article to my beautiful Danielle. I dedicated my novel to her and the kids, but it really is just us, the kids, and God, against the world, and them are good odds. She is my love, my life, my heart, and I pray I can become an even greater man to her than I am today. 🙂