MAKE A MARRIAGE IN HEAVEN!
My wife reminded me last night of the parable of the pearl and the oyster. When we first met, I would use this parable and others like it often. I put this in my novel, “The Calling”, where the lead character explains to another who has had a hard life of all the good the hardship has done in her life. He said, “If not for the suffering of the oyster, where would the pearl be? If not for the manure how would the flowers grow to be so sweet?”
I try to be as transparent about my life as possible here. I let many know, that I don’t have all the answers, that I suffer terribly as well, like Paul, I have cried out, TAKE THIS THORN AWAY ALREADY!!!!! Yet, as my wife reminded me last night, if not for my hardship I wouldn’t be the pearl that I am today. Yes, I know, my wife is pretty awesome. She had an excellent point, how could I ever understand suffering if I haven’t first suffered, and how could I ever learn how to overcome suffering, if I didn’t have suffering to overcome. So yes, I can count it all joy, because of all the fruit that has come of it. Not to mention, that I have learned a thing or two along the way, especially when it comes to being married.
You see, when Danielle and I first got married, many things came against us and our marriage. It was a hard time for us, but we only became stronger because of it all. While many outside of our relationship were working to tear us apart, inside our relationship we were enduring, overcoming, and learning to love each other on a level that we would have never known had we not had these difficult times. And now, as the scripture says, our past sufferings seem as nothing compared to the relationship we have today. Family abandoned us, financial hardship, friends left, it was a sad time, but we had each other, we had our kids, and we had a marriage that was going to last. We had a marriage that we wanted to enjoy, and so we fought for it.
It really isn’t very hard to make a marriage work if you take the time to really think about it. All a great marriage takes is two people willing to put the other before themselves. Or at the very least, one who will be patient until the other comes around. You’ll see me quote this many times in my essays, “Love draws a multitude to change”, not proving you’re right, not shaming someone when they have done wrong, and certainly not carrying a grudge for days because you don’t like what someone said to you, about you, or how they acted.
Arguments, as fun as we all know them to be, don’t have to continue on for days and days, if one person will put their hurt feelings aside and simply love the person they married. This is what Danielle and I try to do. Now this does take time, because overcoming our ego isn’t a simple task.
Over the years we each have built walls to protect our insecurities, and our loved ones learn very quickly how to get in those cracks and expose those insecurities, and vice versa. And so the mud-slinging can begin if you aren’t careful to guard your spouse and your own heart. And yes in my marriage there has been mud slinging, but less and less, the more we grow to admire and appreciate each other. Sure, every relationship has these moments, but the trick is seeing that hurting your spouse, life partner, etc, will never make you feel any better about yourself. The only thing that will make you feel better is peace in your home. And the only way to have peace in your home, is to learn to have mutual respect and admiration for each other. Yes I know, sometimes easier said then done. But there is a principal I would like to share that I believe if applied to your marriage it could change everything. And no I am not a pro, in fact the fact I am writing this article is proof I want to make my marriage better than ever before. It’s easy to say, you should do this and do that, and forgive and live in harmony… It’s a whole other thing to actually do it. But I promise you, when you do, buckle up because the love ride is going to take you places like never before.
The principle is as old as time itself… Some call it Karma or the boomerang effect, I call it Reaping and Sowing, and no I didn’t coin the term, we can thank tha author and finisher of our life and faith for that one, and the others :).
Reaping and Sowing is one of the greatest lessons anyone can learn, not just for your relationships but for you life. And this is a flat-out guarantee, if you begin to put this principle in practice today, I GUARANTEE your relationship, regardless of how far gone it may seem it will turn around. And if you are just beginning your journey together if you put this in practice together, you will have that marriage made in heaven we all talk about and wish for. Now it won’t happen overnight, you will be tested and tried, but if you keep at it, and you say “I am going to have LOVE, I am going to be in LOVE, and I am going to do what it takes to keep that LOVE!” Then you will succeed. Sadly more people are hung up on the “what have you done for me lately” attitude, as opposed to the “what can I do for you attitude,” which by far outweighs and outshines the first.
So let’s talk about this Reaping and Sowing principle for marriage.
This world is governed by laws, the law of gravity is one we all know and understand. But few know that Reaping and Sowing is also a law. The Law of Cause and Effect. You can take a glass and throw it against the wall, it breaks. Cause-Effect. Now people have no problem understanding this law in the material world, but few understand the profound significance of it in the spiritual and emotional world. Simply put… YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE! AND WHAT YOU GIVE YOU WILL EVENTUALLY GET!
If people really believed this, we would see an end to war, famine, heartache, divorce, rape, murder, theft, arguments, the list goes on and on. I call “Reaping and Sowing” our Creator’s fail safe. Because of this principle, not one will be lost, be eventually everyone will learn it is better to give then recieve. ESPECIALLY IN A MARRIAGE!
Now if you look at life as limited to this single timeline you know as life, it would be easy to deduce that there are many people who don’t get what they put out. But we need to take God out of the box, and we need to understand that this world, is not the only world there is. The scriptures speak of the worlds to come. But i don’t want to go down that rabbit hole for this paper. I simply want to point out how if we change how we treat others, how others treat us will change. Especially in marriage.
The problem is, most people have been raised to be selfish. Most people have been conditioned to believe that others should put them first, as opposed to putting others first to receive it in return.
Now in a moment, I am going to list a bunch of passages that Jesus of Nazareth was quoted as saying in the scriptures that illustrates the EXTREME IMPORTANCE of this concept. But if you are not a Christian, don’t let that bother you, the buddha taught the same, so do the Vedic scriptures, the Tao, well, let’s just say the principle is found in every so-called holy book, and embraced and taught by every great spiritual teacher… So let’s get into it shall we?
IF YOU WANT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MARRIAGE TO TURN AROUND YOU NEED TO TAKE THESE WORDS TO HEART AND ACT NOW!
Now does this mean, that once you start putting out good that you will never again receive bad in return? Of course not! We will always be tested and tried until we finally overcome, and unfortunately for those “Rapture” believers it will never be a POOF Moment when your healed and made whole. You can’t do as Charlie Sheen said, and just heal yourself with your mind in an instant. Like anything else in life, it takes practice and discipline. And this is why we find ourself in the mystery of this world, it is our testing ground. Our school. This world is the place for it all, this is our learning place.
And when the devil(adverse thinking/lies/false beliefs) had ended all the temptation, he departed from him for a season
We will be tempted by our carnal ego many times in our relationship. Perhaps our partner, husband, or wife, will say something to hurt our feelings. That insecure beast of an ego of ours will want to rise up, show its fangs and go on the attack. Thoughts will run through your mind, “I don’t deserve this””how dare they””oh I show them!”…
But can someone tell me, when picking up a stone and throwing it back at someone ever solved anything? War will never bring peace, just as Peace will never bring about war. So we see pictured in the scripture above, when we are tempted to go on the attack, that if we…
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil (These nonsence thoughts), and he will flee from you.
If we submit to LOVE and TRUTH and resist our bruised carnal ego, all that pain caused by those negative thoughts will go bye, bye.
However, that carnal ego of ours is always around, waiting, just waiting, to return. Sure it may depart for a season, but those that endure until the end of their “temptation to lash out” will overcome.
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
The Crown of Life, isn’t something we need to wait for. Re-read that passage again. Religion has us all so screwed up, religion puts our reward in the future, when our reward in RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
A crown represents a RULE, or AUTHORITY. Life is joy, peace, purpose, hope, and a marriage that ROCKS!
So when we re-read that passage in James with the right eyes (understanding) we see what it really is saying. It states, when you endure and overcome the temptation to lash out and fight and you choose not to, you receive peace, joy, etc… Right here, Right now. This has nothing to do with the future. You don’t need your marriage to have joy and peace and love in the hereafter, you need it now. So there are some things you need to remember if you want this.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
AND JUDGMENT IS NOT A FUTURE EVENT, it is right now. You say bad things, you will get those bad things in return. You will give account for every idle word you speak in this life. Remember judgment is not the way many religious leaders and religious paintings portray it to be, JUDGMENT begins…
1 Peter 4:17
For the time is come that judgment must begin at the HOUSE OF GOD (us)
And we are the HOUSE OF GOD, the Temple of the Holy Spirit of God. It all takes place WITHIN US. Which is why our words are so important. They are like toothpaste, once they leave you can’t put it back in. But your return on those idle words won’t be fresh breath, but a bitter feeling in your head and heart.
So, be careful what you say. Your words can bless your life and relationship and they can curse them. But it goes deeper than that. It’s not just words, you must take captive your thoughts. Racing negative thoughts will be the death of your relationship. You need to find ways to change the tune playing in your head.
For example, some of you reading this right now, will think… “My wife, Husband, or Partner, will NEVER do that…” – You see, as long as you believe it, you will receive it!
Book of Proverbs chapter 23 verse 7, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he
So yes, if you believe your spouse or partner is a big jerk, they will be a big jerk. EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT! Your perception is your reality, so change your perception. And to do this, you MUST put your partner or spouse before yourself.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends
That scripture is often used to describe people going off to war and fighting, but the scripture really is about putting others first. It is about LOVING OTHERS enough to LAY DOWN your hurt feelings or desires to build another up. This is the very key to a Marriage made in heaven. In Fact, it is EXACTLY what that phrase means. To make a Marriage in heaven, one must make that marriage in HEAVEN (which means, a higher understanding of what life and marriage is, according to the Holy Spirit within).
Well, look, I think you all get the point by now. You get what you put out.
We all need to think higher of our partners, and spouses, than we do of ourselves. Even if you think that this will never work, try telling yourself it will.
If your marriage is falling apart, get together, talk to each other, tell each other you want to have a better marriage, you want to have joy and be excited about things together again. Then make a commitment to each other to do just that. Lift each other up, put each other first, and FORGIVE!
Remember when people lash out at you, they only do it because they themselves are hurting, keep that in mind. And begin to build a better relationship by your actions and thoughts.
If you want your husband to buy you flowers, surprise him with a gift. If you want your wife to snuggle more, then begin to show her more attention.
What you put out, YOU RECIEVE! This is not a belief, this is a LAW! It works, don’t believe me? Next time a fight is started, just say you are sorry and you will do better, EVEN IF YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. If you continue to LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE you are showing your spouse or partner how much you love them and I promise you they will have no choice but to reciprocate. IT’S THE LAW! 🙂
REAPING AND SOWING is probably one of the laws Jesus taught ON the most. Take a look.
1)Whatever you wish others to do to you, do to them (and they will)
2) Forgive and you will be forgiven (because that’s what you will get)
3) Show mercy and mercy will be shown (because that’s what you will get)
4) Judge not and you won’t be judged (because that’s what you will get)
5) Love your enemies (because that’s what you will get… eventually)
The list goes on and on. The simple truth is, whatever you PLANT will GROW! If you believe your marriage is cursed, it will be cursed, if you act like your marriage is amazing your marriage will be amazing. Just as whatever you plant in a garden grows into what you plant, and the health of that plant depends on how well you tend to it and cherish, the same is true for your marriage!
So make that MARRIAGE IN HEAVEN! Rise above the cares of this world, put your fears, insecurities, and your carnal ego aside, cast away terrible thoughts and start planting good thoughts and good deeds into your home. Resist the Devil/Your Ego – Resist your insecurity, resist your fears, resist your bruised ego and those negative thoughts will flee. And always remember that tough times will come, tribulation will come, you will make mistakes, but this time use them to make your marriage and your life stronger and better than ever before!
Oh, and for those divorced out there that think that God hates them, because some religious leader states that “God hates divorce” and attributes it to literal marriage. The truth is, if people took the time to study the word divorce in the scriptures, and took the time to find out what really matters to God, it is DIVORCING YOURSELF FROM GOD AND THE TRUTH that God hates.
Literal marriage is a great symbol of this union, but remember it is a tradition of man and if your marriage ends, same rules apply, love, forgive, and be kind and you will get it in return. Especially if there are kids in the mix.
Coming from a divorced man who has full custody of his two children and is re-married, I understand how hard blended families and re-marriage can be. The stats prove there is a greater chance of divorce the second, third, or fifth time around, but if you put this into action, if you SOW LOVE you will REAP LOVE in return!
Forgive me if there are a bunch of spelling and grammar mistakes, I write these quickly and don’t edit so I can spend more time with my family! And now that you’re done reading, maybe you all should do the same. God bless and keep you all!
PS… here is my latest Youtube Video – CALLED LIVE YOUR LIFE! It’s about existing in the moment. Enjoy